Romance and Sex – FamilyLife®

How to Keep the Romance Alive: Dr. Juli Slattery, and Dr. Michael Sytsma

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 09:15:00 +0000

How do you keep romance alive when it fizzles? Ron & Nan Deal, Juli Slattery, and Michael R. Sytsma, PhD have answers. Rediscover how to bring that love back!

Staying Close When Life is Crazy: David & Meg Robbins

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 10:15:00 +0000

Life is hectic–and finding time for intimacy feels impossible. How can we keep our connection strong amidst all the crazy? David and Meg Robbins find out how to manage overwhelming busyness, offering tangible approaches to build stronger intimacy. David and Meg are contributors to FamilyLife’s all-new Art of Marriage group study! To learn more or order your copy, visit artofmarriage.com.

Show Notes and Resources

Want to hear more episodes by David & Meg, listen here!
Intrigued by today’s episode? Think deeper about Busyness in our FamilyLife episode, Breaking Free From Busyness.
The all-new Art of Marriage six-session video series for groups features expert teaching, devotionals, spoken word poetry, animation, real-life stories, humorous vignettes, and more to portray both the challenges and the beauty of God’s design.
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Find resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.
See resources from our past podcasts.
Find more content and resources on the FamilyLife’s app!
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What the NFL Didn’t Teach Me About Sex

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 14:52:00 +0000

Editor’s note: Derwin and Vicki Gray are contributors to FamilyLife’s all-new Art of Marriage . Want to know more? Check out ArtofMarriage.com.

Since I (Derwin) was 13, football has been one of the most important things in my life. At that age, I decided football was going to provide a way out of my living situation and provide a better life for me. I dedicated years of my life to the sport, and it paid off with being drafted by the Indianapolis Colts in 1993, playing six years professionally.

I learned a lot from my NFL days, and I even became a Christian thanks to one of my Colts teammates who shared Jesus with me. My life was changed for the better in many ways by football and the NFL. But one thing the NFL didn’t teach me was about sex. More specifically, what “sexy” means to my wife, Vicki.

Coming out of college, I was a well-chiseled machine. I was 5 feet, 11 inches and weighed a lean 200 pounds. Did I say I was lean? I had those coveted washboard abs all men desire. Forget a six pack, I had an eight pack. I was the epitome of “sexy,” right?

I just knew I was “that” guy, and I thought Vicki knew it too. Maybe she did, but it wasn’t for the exact reasons I thought.

What I learned outside the NFL

Even if I wasn’t an NFL player, our situation and perspective on things when it comes to being sexy, attractive, and intimate with our spouses is similar to a lot of couples. In those early years of marriage, we love everything about each other, especially our bodies. Many of us are probably in the best physical shape of our lives, and this physical attraction is typically the first point of attraction.

I thought my lean, mean, football-playing body was the reason Vicki found me sexy. I was shocked when I learned that wasn’t the biggest reason she was attracted to me or what led to physical intimacy. To her, one of the sexiest things I could do was wash the dishes. Yes, the dishes. I learned it was sexy to do the laundry. I learned it was sexy to vacuum. Chasing down a 200-pound man running 40 yards in less than five seconds takes a lot more effort than doing the dishes, the laundry, or vacuuming. But those things mean so much more to my wife. That was a revelation!

After I learned that, I began celebrating things like vacuuming and making it known to Vicki. “I’m vacuuming baby, what’s up?”

Seriously, I learned physical intimacy doesn’t only have to do with the physical aspect of things. It’s her seeing and feeling, “Oh, you care about me and the things that I care about. You’re partnering with me. You are doing things that take a load off of me.” It’s also learning how to love her, how to encourage her, how to be with her.

Touching the heart

Let me (Vicki) chime in here. This is extremely important in year one, but probably more important in the later years of your marriage. We are 30 years in. Our bodies are not in the same physical condition, and Derwin can no longer chase down a grown man running a 4.5-second, 40-yard dash. There are more flabs than abs. Things have changed. We have changed, and love calls us to change with our spouses.

I find amazing beauty in that. This is the reason it’s so important to touch the heart before attempting to take off the clothes. This applies to year one in marriage, as well as year 30. And that’s actually part of the fun in marriage. This gives you more opportunities to let your love grow deeper in more areas—beyond physicality. In these later years of marriage, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy are much more important. And you truly become one in Christ.

And let me tell you something. It gets better at every single level, but what makes it better is a Christ-centered focus and the Holy Spirit’s presence. What a great place to be in your marriage! And as my husband said, it’s something you won’t learn from the NFL or whatever your focus is. But it is something that will last a lifetime and create an intimate, loving marriage.

Create a better story for your marriage with FamilyLife’s Art of Marriage

Want to draw closer to your spouse?

Consider talking through the following:

What do you think makes you sexy to your spouse?
What makes your spouse sexy to you?
Discuss the “whys” behind what you shared in the above questions.

Follow up with a short prayer. Thank God for making you both “fearfully and wonderfully” made. Thank Him for creating levels of intimacy that aren’t limited to just the physical. Ask for His help in learning the ways you can love your spouse better and in seeing all the wonderful ways He created them. Ask that your marriage would be an act of worship and give Him glory.

Derwin and Vicki Gray have been married over 30 years and have two adult children. In 2010, they founded Transformation Church (TC), a multiethnic, multigenerational, mission-shaped church near Charlotte, NC. A former NFL player, Derwin received his doctorate at Northern Seminary, and he is the author of several books, including the bestseller, How to Heal Our Racial Divide. Vicki is currently in graduate school at Wheaton College, pursuing an MA in Ministry Leadership.

God and Your Sex Life: Dr. Juli and Mike Slattery

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 09:15:00 +0000

Could knowing God’s whole picture for intimacy rev up your sex life? Dr. Juli and Mike Slattery explore how understanding God’s character in married sex transforms your bedroom.
Faithfulness is this idea of character and trust. It’s not just sexual fidelity, but it’s trusting each other’s character that, “Hey, I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together, even if I’m having a bad day, or we’re going through a season of marriage where we’re not communicating, we’re not giving up.” It’s that foundation of, “I can trust you”.
Show Notes and Resources

Connect with Dr. Juli Slattery at www.authenticintimacy.com and learn more about her ministry at sexualdiscipleship.com
and get a copy of her book, God, Sex, and Your Marriage
Check out more episodes from Juli Slattery
Go to familylife.com/comingsoon to sign up for the Art of Marriage live event and to be notified of when pre-orders are live!
Find resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.
See resources from our past podcasts.
Find more content and resources on the FamilyLife’s app!
Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.
Check out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the FamilyLife Podcast Network

God, Sex, and Your Marriage: Dr. Juli and Mike Slattery

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 09:15:00 +0000

What if God gave us married sex as a picture of Himself? And how could your understanding of this picture revolutionize your sex life? Dr. Juli Slattery and her husband Mike explore mind-boggling truths of how, in an over-sexualized world, God’s ideas about sex are far more than we imagined.
Covenant is a unique relationship that’s based on a promise. It’s not based on how you feel. It’s not based on if you’re attracted to someone. It’s not based on if you’re meeting each other’s needs. That’s a contract. A covenant is, “I am promising to love you. I am promising to not leave you or forsake you.”

Show Notes and Resources

You’re Being Lied to About Sex: Dean Inserra

Wed, 07 Jun 2023 09:15:00 +0000

Are you being lied to? Culture is spinning faith-altering views about sex to your kids. And our responses may determine whether kids sense Christianity’s relevance. Author Dean Inserra describes popular falsehoods, the resulting questions kids ask, and how to respond in ways pertinent, loving, and truthful.
Show Notes and Resources

If you found today’s episode intriguing, listen to other episodes with Dean Inserra
And grab his book, Pure: Why the Bible’s Plan for Sexuality Isn’t Outdated, Irrelevant, or Oppressive
Find resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.
Find more content and resources on the FamilyLife’s app!
Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.
Check out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the FamilyLife Podcast Network

Purity: Outdated? Irrelevant? Oppressive? Dean Inserra

Tue, 06 Jun 2023 09:15:00 +0000

Purity culture: In some very deserved ways, it warrants the impassioned scrutiny. But is sexual purity itself oppressive? Pointless? Author Dean Inserra offers correction to destructive theology while pulling us back to sexual flourishing.

Show Notes and Resources

Sexual Purity after Purity Culture: What Should We Know? Dean Inserra

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 09:15:00 +0000

Serious flaws in purity culture deserve scrutiny—especially given its lasting negative effects on some raised in the movement. Many Christians today reject wholesale the movement and all that it stood for. But is there still a place for sexual purity? Author Dean Inserra dives into God’s flawless design for sex.
Show Notes and Resources

8. Is Your Sex Life Missing the Point?

Tue, 28 Mar 2023 09:15:00 +0000

Could your sex life be missing the point? Dr. Michael Sytsma talks about why we have sex…and the key to wow-level sex that changes everything.
Show Notes and Resources

Download our app to listen to Brian Goins, Michael Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn as they cover more questions.
For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.
Grab Shaunti and Dr. Sytsma’s book in our shop: Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference.

7. When Sex is Boring

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 09:15:00 +0000

Has your married sex coasted into the blahs? Sex therapist Dr. Michael Sytsma’s got solutions to keep you both captivated in the bedroom.
Show Notes and Resources