One of my first Thanksgivings as a young adult, I lived in a foreign country that doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. So a family invited my ministry team into their home for the turkey and pumpkin pie, fall-themed decor, and to gather together with other expatriates to clink glasses and pray with. A TV in the other room showed a recording of a football game. It was utterly delightful.

There haven’t been many meals that nourished my soul to that extent, and I think it’s because I was so very hungry for connection. Connection to my earthly homeland, connection to familiar foods and smells, connection to people who understood those parts of me. It was like chicken soup for my homesick heart.

Genesis 1:18 reminds us, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” And yet, in the last two years, we’ve had to become creative about how we gather together. We all did our best to fill in the gaps with “pandemic pods,” virtual happy hours or playdates, even eating meals concurrently on Zoom. But it quickly became clear: There’s no substitute for the real thing.

Why we gather together

Knitted into the very fabric of our being is the idea that we’re not meant to be isolated. Man was made in God’s image, an image that includes being in loving community—the wonderful mystery of the Trinity, three Persons in one God. Unlike God, however, we need people outside of ourselves to form our community as a part of His good design.

Here are three reasons we gather together this time of year.

1. It feeds our souls.

“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity” (Psalm 133:1).

Good and pleasant. Hopefully you’ve experienced time with others that filled your cup, made you feel more fully alive, more fully yourself. Or you’ve experienced the joy of knowing someone else benefited from your presence, your tears, your words, your laughter, your touch. Maybe this verse brings up a profound sense of sorrow and loss because you can’t remember the last time being with other people felt that way. Even that points to the fact that God created you for community.

Sometimes the company of “a brother” is hard to come by. Gathering together in unity can be even more elusive. The gatherings that feed your soul are the products of some faithful tilling of relational soil. Soul nourishing relationships don’t just happen. Just like a fabulous meal isn’t prepared without planning, gathering of needed ingredients, perhaps even studying a recipe ahead of time, a gathering that feeds your soul takes some investment on the front end.

Who are the people in your life who nourish your soul? Who, in your life, is your presence a balm to? Can you make space to gather together with those people this Thanksgiving?

Maybe there are extra seats at your table, or maybe you can put together a Friendsgiving. Or maybe there are some things you could change about your gathering to make it more nourishing for the souls there. If you’re hosting, do you need to let go of some of the elements that stress you in favor of being able to bring your full self? If you get caught up with comparison or fear of conflict, can you take some time to prepare to stop toxic thoughts in their tracks?

2. It nourishes our bodies.

Part of the beauty of gathering for celebrations that include food is that it connects us to our own and others’ bodies. The sensory experience of a feast can be almost overwhelming. The scent of brown sugar and sweet potatoes welcomes you, as does the laughter or conversations of family and friends. You may offer embraces or wash your hands to chop pecans or set the table. We’re letting our bodies serve—making food, dishing kids’ plates, refilling ice teas, retrieving more chairs. And letting our bodies enjoy thehugs, the squeezing together at a table, the raising of glasses, the eating of way too much food, or perhaps the getting outside for a walk or tossing a ball.

Gathering together over food is a part of what it is to be fully human. To enjoy the presence and touch of others, to nourish our bodies with food we made and God provided, to pause everything else and lift our voices to thank God for His many blessings. This Thanksgiving, don’t forget to notice your body, thanking God for all the things you’re able to do with it.

3. It allows us to feast on the glorious future.

Ultimately, when we gather together at a table it points us to the coming reality: the table in the coming kingdom that includes people from every nation, tribe, and tongue. In You Are What You Love, James K.A. Smith writes, “There are no box seats at this table, no reservations for VIPs, no filet mignon for those who can afford it while the rest eat crumbs from their table . . . this strange feast is the civic rite of another city—the Heavenly City.”

Whether you feast at a 15-seat table with fine china place-settings, in a folding chair with a paper plate in your lap, or at a community center with the homeless, let your feast remind you of Christ’s table. Let it stir your imagination for the beautiful magnitude and diversity of the family meal that’s coming where Jesus sets the table and we’ll feast in humble unity.

Look at the eternal souls eating alongside you, and seek to love them accordingly this Thanksgiving. Every time we gather together, there’s opportunity for it to be chicken soup for the soul homesick for its true home, the heavenly city where Jesus is King.

Copyright © 2021 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Laura Way serves with FamilyLife as a writer and lives in Orlando, Florida with her high-school-teaching husband, Aubrey, and their two vibrant young daughters. She and Aubrey lived in East Asia for seven years until relocating unexpectedly a couple years ago. She enjoys writing about becoming more fully human while sojourning through different places, seasons of life, and terrains of mental and spiritual health at hopeforthesojourn.com.

My parents were into Friendsgiving before it was cool. Every Thanksgiving, my sisters and I planned on at least one unexpected face—maybe an international student, a family who’d just moved to town, a single who wasn’t traveling to see family.

They’d show up at the front door, breath puffing in the chill, toting a pumpkin pie or bag of dinner rolls, or a bashful toddler and a pack ‘n’ play.

These are the Thanksgiving memories I love most: motley, crowded tables; a vat of mashed potatoes; and laughter floating to the ceiling. Because doubling a recipe and scooting up a folding chair isn’t nearly as hard as you’d think. But it’s a lot more rewarding.

I imagine this table to be somewhat reminiscent of God’s.

Come one, come all

God fills His feasts with the lame, the blind, the outcasts (check out Matthew 22:1-10). To a group of people He knew were “wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked” (Revelation 3:17)—yet thought they were rich and prosperous—He said , “If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20).

God loves a good party. In the Old Testament, He commanded seven feasts(!) for His people throughout the year—a shadow, no doubt, of the feasts His people will enjoy in heaven (Revelation 19:9). Remember how Jesus’ first miracle was providing wine for a party?

And there’s just something about sharing the gift of presence together around the table. In Acts 2, we read about the new Church: “Day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved” (verses 46-47).

In fact, when Jesus visited two disciples walking to Emmaus after His death, they invited Him to eat with them, and “he was known to them in the breaking of the bread” (Luke 24:35).

In sharing our tables, we are not the rescuers, but the rescued. We welcome because God’s welcomed us (Romans 15:7).

Friendsgiving ideas: Who should I ask?

Your Friendsgiving ideas start here. Before your feast, pray about who God would bring to your table—and keep your eyes alert and your verbal invite ready.

Consider inviting those who:

• Have lost someone.
• Are natural “outsiders” for one reason or another.
• Are foreigners, are traveling through, or are new to the area.
• Might be alone or might not have an invitation somewhere else.
• Are singles or single parents.
• Are elderly.
• Could help ease the load as you invite others—who give life to your family.

Who would God love you to ask?

How can I pull this thing off?

Repeat after me: Friendsgiving is not about me playing hero host. Invite everyone to collaborate—and shift your goal toward relaxed connection and gratitude, rather than impressing your guests. (Catch more thoughts on this in Around the Table: Why Hospitality Is Vital to Your Soul.)

If I’m seeking to extend Christ’s welcome, it’s not with my perfection or image-management.

People will probably not remember my pie crust. (Not that memorable, but is that my goal?) They will remember if I was sincerely, undistractedly present with them. They’ll remember if I was interested in their story. Whether they felt loved and received.

So let’s make space for that. Try:

• Using compostable plates (sayonara, running the dishwasher three times).
• Asking people to “sign up” for one to two dishes, even if they don’t cook (veggie trays, apple cider, and bagged salad are all totally game). Tip: If there’s a dish that says “Thanksgiving” to them, like the green bean casserole—invite them to bring it. Don’t compete with their Aunt Sally’s heritage recipe with the secret ingredient.
• Delegating activities: your kids cleaning the bathrooms before guests arrive; that friend who’s great with kids bringing activities for a pre-feast kids’ table; that dude who would be perfect organizing a post-food-coma game of touch football.
• Sitting down for ten minutes of planning ahead of time. What can be done one or two days before? What should make your grocery list (um, toilet paper)? Do your guests have any special needs (allergies? A booster seat?)?

Get grateful: Friendsgiving ideas for thankfulness

In the story of Jesus forgiving a man’s sin before He healed his legs (Luke 5:17-26), I’m reminded my guests’ deepest needs are soul-level. But those needs can be nurtured by tangible experiences: a good listener, a kind word, an environment of open arms and authenticity.

Thanksgiving opens the doors for this. Giving thanks tips our eyes upward from our circumstances toward a Giver. And connecting genuinely with others heals a multitude of ills.

So consider Friendsgiving ideas like these:

• Before the feast, carve out one-on-one time with God, asking Him to bring your heart to a place ready to extend His smile and genuine warmth (Romans 12:9)—rather than checking every box, achieving the perfect meal, or maintaining peace or crowd control. In Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, Ruth Hayley Barton writes that when we prioritize our inner world, “We will have bread to offer that is warm from the oven of our intimacy with God.”
• Open the meal with heartfelt prayer. Consider asking one of your kids to pray, too.
• Keep a few conversation starters in your back pocket to encourage guests to share about themselves: “Tell me a little about your year.”
• Use rolls of brown paper for your tablecloth. Lay out markers and write “I am thankful for…” in the middle as a prompt for guests.
• In passing, verbally communicate one thing you appreciate about each guest. Thank them for sharing this day with you.

What if something goes wrong?

I can almost guarantee you something will go awry when you’re hosting a bunch of humans together. But when it does? That’s your opportunity to show them our Jesus-in-the-mess—a God who, as we’ll soon be celebrating, was literally born in a barn.

That political conflict, that child smarting off, that burned turkey? They’re chances to show guests Jesus loves us like we are. He came to bring a peace bigger than a political party, children who make us look good, or perfectly moist poultry.

So if and when your Friendsgiving isn’t perfect, that doesn’t mean “Proceed to faking it better.” Show your guests that your quirky middle schooler, their opinionated teenager, and all of our broken hearts can find their places at God’s table.

He’s been enough so we don’t have to be.

Copyright © 2021 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including Passport2Identity®, Art of Parenting®, and regular articles. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write on Your Kids’ Hearts (Harvest House), empowers parents to creatively engage kids in vibrant spirituality. You can find her—“The Awkward Mom”—having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com, and on Instagram @janelbreit.

We already sense the looming train wreck. Our hearts pump harder, forehead veins twitch. We can hear the screams of rage followed by stony silence … while scorched apple pie smoke stings our nostrils. The season is upon us: the time of holiday dinners, with heaping helpings of awkward conversations.

Controversial topics gravitate to the dinner table, returning unwanted year after year. Chances are, your family’s holiday meals lie somewhere on the awkwardness spectrum, between Aunt Bethany’s Pledge of Allegiance prayer from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and the “milking animals” discussion from Meet the Parents.

Holiday meals are some of the worst times to hash out drama or have deep discussions about sensitive topics. Yet family feasts seem to inevitably include a side of political rants, gross medical stories, inappropriate jokes, or the rehashing of family drama.

Every year we convince ourselves it’ll be different, that somehow our celebratory meal will be full of joy, peace, and normal conversation. How do things go so horribly wrong? Could we all truly get along—even if only for 30 minutes of face-stuffing glory?

Avoiding the controversial topics at your holiday table

My wife Sara has a phobia of flying, so she’s obsessed with plane crashes on TV. Not for the tragedies (she’s not a monster!), but for the solutions. Experts investigate every single aviation accident to determine the cause, fix it, and avoid it happening again. The process gives Sara just enough confidence to tiptoe warily onto a plane every couple of years or so.

Similarly, our awkward conversations (and family blowups) also have a cause and a practical solution. So, let’s dig in. Here are five tips to turn the tables on the controversy and set your family up for a comfortable, peaceful meal.

1. Set the table.

The average person, I’ve Googled, can endure 10 seconds of silence. We’re so averse to the absence of conversation that we’ll turn to anything—including awkward stuff—just to have something to say.

Combat the silence by planning out the conversation ahead of time, creating some questions for everyone to talk about during dinner. Heck, print them out and laminate them if you’re feeling Martha Stewart-y! Holidays meals are a great place to reflect on what we’re thankful for or to remember fun family moments. Ask about highlights from the past year, favorite movie or TV show, and let the questions lead. Also, consider “priming the pump” by asking certain family members ahead of time to tell a funny story during the meal. “Hey, don’t forget when we’re all together to tell us about that time when…”

2. Hire the opposition.

In some families, controversial topics often erupt from one or two lovable troublemakers. If that’s the case for you, consider giving them a role during the meal to keep them occupied. If “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” (Proverbs 16:27, TLB), why not put those hands to work for you instead of against you? As a bonus, delegating responsibilities during the meal frees you up to do some conversation wrangling.

3. Debone arguments ahead of time.

“I have a bone to pick with you,” was my mom’s favorite foray into conflict. Our relatives may have “bones” with others at the table, and they take their seats just itching to pick them.

While we can’t force anyone to resolve conflict, we can encourage them to do it literally any other time. We start by asking ourselves if there are any issues we want to bring up with a family member, and aim to resolve it before the gravy boat sails. Sara and I have found the holidays to be an especially vital time to address our unresolved conflict and spend quality time together. Whether it’s a date night or booking a marriage retreat like the Weekend to Remember, there’s no better time to focus on your marriage. Even when time with extended family gets heated, there’s peace in knowing your spouse is on your team.

Once you’ve examined your own relationship dynamics, it’s time to reach out now to your high-risk-for-awkwardness relatives and ask a question like, “How are you feeling about seeing Grandma?” If there’s tension, help them find an opportunity to resolve it before the holidays.

4. Pivot away from controversial topics.

Cutting controversial topics off at the pass with a stark, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that right now,” can feel like spilling a whole can of awkward sauce on its own. Instead, follow by asking a genuine question about the person you’re stopping. “Hey, can we talk about that later? I was wondering though, how your Mediterranean vacation went?” It’s crucial to sit down at the table already knowing something to ask each relative about.

5. Pray a blessing over your holiday table.

Our family prays before a big meal—like, immediately before. I’m usually sneaking bites of stuffing before “Amen.” When your mind drifts to that upcoming meal, consider that a great time to talk to God about it. Feel free to ask for specific things—“Lord, would you help my grandfather to only speak kindly to Uncle Tim?” God already knows how that meal will go, so chatting with Him about it will be the most helpful thing you can do. Consider praying a specific verse (Philippians 4:8, for instance) over your family, and ask God what He wants the meal to be like.

These guidelines might not be able to prevent all of the holiday awkward conversations, but with some strategies at hand—and by praying for God’s help and intervention—we’ll be prepared to minimize the discomfort. There’s only one reason to feel uncomfortable during our holiday meals: from that great American tradition of stuffing ourselves silly.

Copyright © 2021 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Andy Allan provides care and logistical support for Cru missionaries serving abroad and writes for FamilyLife and other Christian ministries. He lives in Lincoln, Nebraska, with his wife, Sara, and two kids, Ellie and Bodie. You’ll find him biking Lincoln’s trails or watching the latest Fast and Furious movie. Connect with him at andrew.allan@cru.org or on Twitter at @KazBullet.

So many of us are struggling to catch our breath from our life circumstances this year.

One friend of mine with three kids lost her husband. Another lost a massive scholarship and college career when his university went under. Another friend lost the business she’d built for years. I personally endured a scathing career loss.

But as we whip mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving—or simply eye the vacant chair at the dinner table—what does it look like to be thankful in a year of loss?

I think of Job, pummeled as all he loved was ripped from him. He “arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped” (Job 1:20).

I don’t know about you, but all seemed as expected until that last little phrase. Utter grief is human. Worship in utter grief is not.

How to be thankful while you hurt

Author H.U. Westermeyer remarked, “The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.”

I, too, believe Thanksgiving is an acceptable time to hurt, right alongside full-throated gratitude.

But how do we turn our hearts to be thankful, when our world feels like a wreck?

1. Understand gratitude is your link to healing.

A year and a half ago, around my son’s 13^th birthday, we were told he might have lymphoma. Fear and grief overtook me as if on horseback.

But a friend who’d buried his wife had handed me a key: To be thankful is a lifeline in suffering.

I started small. Thank You that we’ve had him this long. Thank You for medical care. Thank You for the feel of his skin right now, in this hug.

But it was my son who suggested we keep a gratitude list. We wrote, then scrunched our gratitude on a neon-yellow index card tucked in our medical binder.

Though six weeks of horror resolved themselves in an absence of cancer—that notecard will remain with me until I die. It was our reminder of God’s constant nearness; His pervasive gifts and small graces.

That card tethered me to God’s goodness. To the reminder that He is for me.

2. Realize God grieves with you.

When your heart is blistered and someone rattles off “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28)—it can be jarring.

Though God creates good from every circumstance, He does not call “bad” good.

At the tomb of Lazarus—where Jesus knew He was about to conquer death—He still wept. In fact, the Greek term for Jesus being “deeply moved again” in John 11:38 also refers to “indignation,” “rage,” or “stern warning” elsewhere in the Bible.

Read: Jesus was possibly not only grief-stricken, but angry at what was clearly not God’s original plan for this planet. He did not call death and the utter brokenness of this place “good.”

How would your loss change if God were weeping and angry alongside you?

This helps me move from viewing God as enemy … to God as Friend in the trenches. It’s easier to thank God when I’m not trying to ignore the idea of him only taking from me.

3. Identify—and preach to—toxic thinking.

Even more than horrible events, I find my own responses alienate me from God. I marinate in lies I feed my brain. And those thoughts become me.

This makes sense considering what we know about neuroplasticity—the brain’s constant rewiring of itself. Once we’ve explored a way of thinking, it’s easier for our brains to travel there in the future. It’s a reality both for truth and for lies.

Sometimes we simply need to retell ourselves the truth, or have someone do it for us when we’re too weak. Think of Jesus in the desert, speaking truth to Satan’s cunning twists of Scripture.

When my brain thought about God, With friends like You, who needs enemies? I needed to reply,

“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:31-32).

Put your foot down on untrue, unbiblical, non-godward self-talk: “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

This means examining the easy answers I shell out (“He won’t give you more than you can handle,” or “God says to rejoice!”). Thoughtful Christianity responds with thoughtful, holistic knowledge of God.

Do I believe truth frees me (John 8:32)—enough to pursue it relentlessly, to set fences on my thought life? To soak in what’s true and lovely, particularly about who God is (Philippians 4:8-9)?

4. Retrain yourself to see.

I once took an early morning walk, my Canon thumping at my side. Less than a mile in, I was thrilled to at last glimpse an elusive gray heron in a meadow. I snapped the photo I’d been waiting for.

Well, somewhat. Arriving home, I sighed. How had I not seen that tire-turned-volleyball standard nearby? Doesn’t any photographer worth her salt check her background?

But the heron had swiveled my eyes from everything ugly. I’d only seen what my lens had zoomed in upon.

I recall the words of John Piper: “The fight for joy is first and always a fight to see.”

The fight for joy is the fight to see God for who He is. To witness His goodness around me—though the edges of my world curl black.

This dovetails with truth seeping from Ephesians 1, which speaks of “having the eyes of your hearts enlightened.” We’re told this is how we’ll know the depth of our hope, of God’s power, of His resources directed toward us (verses 18-19)

As I choose to twist my focus to gifts piled around me, it’s as if my world is thawing. Opaque slabs of ice slip off gifts I’d minimized or forgotten.

I’m reminded that my identity, though wounded by loss, is not consumed by it. I am a citizen of Elsewhere, a cherished daughter.

5. Try these techniques, too, to be thankful.

• Be aware of what sensory cues penetrate your heart over the holidays. Maybe like me, music worms its way into your soul. Or consider: What traditions are most meaningful to you? Surrender to those swells of emotion in order to thank God.
• Connect, for real. It’s easier to be thankful when you’re not overcome with isolation. Maybe you could use a cup of coffee with an intentional friend so you don’t slip beneath the holiday hubbub. Perhaps they could just listen to your hurt. Tip: Ask for what you need from someone. Most friends are eager to help, but terrible mind-readers.
• Find a place to serve someone else in need (unless you’re already overwhelmed!). This naturally increases gratitude, perspective, and connectedness.
• And yet, say no to an unnecessary activity, so rather than doing, you can live this season wholeheartedly, from the soul outward. Busyness and the social expectation to feel warm fuzzies, may exacerbate a sense of grief, loneliness, and anger rather than quiet personal thanks.
• Be intentional to reflect. Journaling prompts, time alone, or sinking into God’s Word can help you be thankful for the hope that’s yours. Strain for honesty, welcoming your suffering, questions, and grief into your relationship with God: “Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart” (Psalm 51:6). As Tim Keller remarks, “All true prayer, pursued far enough, becomes praise.”
• Remember everyone carries a backpack of troubles. So don’t let comparison siphon thankfulness.

Worship amid the wreck

When plans or hopes feel smashed against a brick wall, yet we decide to be thankful, is one of our greatest opportunities for authentic worship.

Job’s later words continue as the Braille on my blind days: Though He slay me, I will hope in Him (Job 13:15).

So this Thanksgiving, I’m choosing to pray,

I will continue to thank You; to tip my eyes up. I will seek to acknowledge every single gift You’ve piled around me all my life—and all the ones I’m trusting You’ll reconcile–until it’s one seamless “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

“We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all–all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help” (Hebrews 4:15, The Message)

Copyright © 2020 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including Passport2Identity®, Art of Parenting®, and regular articles. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Creative Choices for Holy Moments with Your Kids (Harvest House), releases October 2021. You can find her—“The Awkward Mom”—having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com, and on Instagram @janelbreit.

Already looking up hot deals, huh? Isn’t it ironic that Thanksgiving Day begins the biggest shopping season of the year? Over the meal, we thank God “for all He’s given us,” “for family,” “for good food”… but before the table gets cleared, the online shopping ensues. We don’t want to miss out on buying what moments ago we convinced everyone we were content without.

Somehow when it’s 50% percent off it’s a different story.

What if we stopped treating gratitude like green bean casserole—something to dish out once a year? Not that we aren’t thankful at all throughout the year, but is it the lifestyle it should be? Would a consistent emphasis on gratitude change the dynamics, attitudes, even the noise, in your family?

Here are seven ways to emphasize gratitude in your home all year long.

1. Don’t tolerate complaint.

Growing up, we ate whatever Mom put on the dinner table. If she made buckwheat groats (true story), we ate it. If she made broccoli and salad, we ate it. We were expected to obey our parents and be thankful for the food we were given. Because of their intolerance for picky eaters, my sister and I grew to enjoy almost every food.

However, I’ve been known for complaining about what we didn’t have on the table. I wanted bread. I wanted chicken with sauce. One Sunday afternoon, my sister and I went on strike singing “We’re going on strike! No chicken, no turkey, no quinoa, no broccoli!” I wanted food that non-paleo, non-sugar-free families ate.

Yet my parents stood firm and called me out on my complaining attitude. Because of their early expectation of a grateful heart, whenever I complained, I knew deep down it was disrespectful.

When the noise of whining escalates, try to nip it in the bud. Even with your older children, let them know in a loving way that you will not tolerate complaining in your home.

2. Live out what you expect.

When I was a child, my family enjoyed ambling through model homes on empty afternoons. It was fun to analyze each design, deciding what we liked or didn’t about the floorplans and identifying which room we would pick for ourselves.

But without fail, each time we returned to our own home my mom would brightly remark, “Well, what a lovely home this is!” She never wanted us to grow discontent with what God had blessed us with.

Do you complain about your outdated kitchen? Do you gripe over your lack of shoe options?

If you don’t set the example of gratitude, don’t expect it of your kids.

3. Inspire awe of God.

We like to ask “why?” It’s one of the first questions humans learn. But when we don’t know why we should be thankful, it’s pretty impossible to muster up gratitude. What is there to give thanks for? Who am I supposed to thank?

Psalm 100:4-5 reads: “Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.” This passage miraculously satisfies both questions: Who should we thank? God. Why should we thank him? Because He’s always good, always loving, and always faithful.

The more intimately we know someone, the more grateful we tend to be when we receive gifts from them. For example, I care far more when a friend buys me a book she knows I’ll love, than if I win a raffled gift card. I may be thankful for the gift card, but the book means more because of who bought it.

Sing songs, read books, and memorize Scripture with your kids that clearly communicate the nature of God. Saturate your family with knowledge of His nature and see how gratitude follows.

4. Go outside.

Nothing reminds me more of God’s beauty than standing outside—listening to the geese or gazing at Orion. My mind is never more clogged with discontentment than when I’ve been pent up inside, cloistered off from the beauty of nature.

Seeing, smelling, listening to beautiful things reminds me of God’s beauty and reminds me to thank Him for His creation. Verbalize your praise to your family. “Isn’t the orange on that butterfly incredible? I’m so glad God thought to design that.”

5. Remind yourselves what God’s already done.

The issue with gratitude is that it’s not natural. Although we know God gives us good things, dry seasons can quench our appreciation. It’s easy to fall into amnesia about the times God extended mercy and grace.

One of the best things you can do to make your home surge with gratitude is to reflect. Read through old journals. Think back to when God eased your anxiety or curbed your temptation to argue. Recalling how God’s character has been displayed in your life will remind you of what He can do in your future too.

6. Remember Christ.

The Apostle Paul knew all about the difficulty of gratitude. For goodness’ sake, he sat in a Roman prison while writing his letter to the church in Philippi! Yet he shared, “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:12-13).

Paul’s mood didn’t ebb and flow with the ease of his life but remained rooted in the strength of Christ. Neither was his supernatural contentment due to personality; his satisfaction on Christ anchored him in all seasons.

In spaces where gratitude least seems to fit, remind your family you still have Christ. And still have Christ is not a slight against Him as if He were our last and least-profitable resort. Nothing is greater than knowing Him, whether we enjoy wealth or suffer loss.

7. Pray

At the end of the day, it’s your kids’ choice whether or not to be thankful. You can pull out all the biblical tips, and your children might still persist in complaining. It’s a daily battle. So spend actual time in your day in prayer, and ask God to make your children content with what they have.

You don’t always have to pray silently about these things. In the car, after a temper tantrum, or around the dinner table, feel free to insert a teaching moment by praying for the contentment of their hearts.

Keep in mind that the idyllic “thankful home” does not exist. Even families of Christian leaders wrestle with the same selfishness and discontentment plaguing everyone else. But we can’t throw up our arms because of perfection’s impracticality. Like everything else in our lives, we must obey what Scripture asks of us, knowing the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.

What can you do to make thankfulness last longer than your holiday meal?

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